Saturday, September 24, 2005

Rule #750

It's time for a vacation!

Rule #749

During a plane crash the bodies are often ripped in half from the seat belt... but, if you don't wear it you'll get knocked around the cabin like popcorn popping, pulverizing you into a nice mush... it's a no win situation in a big crash... hope for a little, gentle, crash.

Rule #748

The main reason they want you to put your head down between your knees in an impending airplane crash, is so that you don't SEE what's about to happen... it isn't pretty.

Rule #747

The bigger the plane, the more bodies, I mean people, it can hold.

P.S. Air travel is one of the safest modes of transportation, fly more.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Rule #746

Live more.

Rule #745

Time is running out.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Rule #744

How much sense is a 'lick' of sense? I get the feeling a lick isn't much.

Note: "That boy ain't got no sense" isn't as bad as "He ain't got a lick a sense". Of course when he does something wrong it's a good bet his daddy tries to knock some sense into him, which is better than being knocked senseless. Anyhow, the boy's got more sense than a turkey in a rainstorm, which is something, cause turkeys ain't got a lick a sense.

Rule #743

Polite smokers ask: "Do you mind if I smoke?"

Anyone with a lick of sense replies: "Yes, I mind. Thanks for asking"

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Rule #742

DO NOT jump out of the boat during the Pirates of the Caribbean ride; three of the pirates are real, and get PISSED OFF when people do that!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Rule #741

Police officers, Firefighters, EMT's, and Paramedics.

They're out there, right now, ready to protect and save us.


Rule #740

Don't flip-off the driver of another car unless you are prepared to deal with:

Them following you like a maniac for the next 50 miles.
Them pulling out a gun and shooting you.
Them crashing their car into your car.
Them following you until you stop then... ?

Sooner or later you'll flip off a CRAZY person who might do any of the above.

Rule #739

Two or more chairs on the porch, an old dog, miscellaneous stuff strewn about, numerous cigarette butts and/or a bottle with tobacco spit in it, and a Banjo.

Telltale signs of a Hillbilly's house.

Rule #738

Your ideas, your dreams, are yours to fulfill, or yours to extinguish; you take the blame for your successes and failures.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Rule #737

To all wanta-be Pirates:
You're not really a Pirate if you don't pillage and plunder, you're just a weirdo with an eye patch.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Rule #736

Build your house on the slope of a volcano and...

Build your house on a dry river bed and...

Build your house on a hot dry brushy hillside and...

Build your house on an earthquake fault and...

Build your house on the bank of a river and...

... you're ASKING for trouble.

These examples of poor judgment have been brought to you by the many moronic members of the human race.

Those of us who realize how CRAZY it is to do the above will of course pay for you to rebuild your house on the same site, go figure.

Rule #735

"Fuck you!"

Why is that such a negative statement? It should be a joyous greeting shouldn't it?