Friday, January 28, 2005

Rule #528

When your creativity is ebbing, take a break... and take a trip during that break, visit some new places, see some new things, stir it up.

Yes, I'm taking that advice.

Rule #527

"Don't take any wooden nickels"

Now that's some bad advice, a wooden nickel would be cool, and probably worth something. I say send your wooden nickels to ME!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Rule #526

Have tolerance and compassion, but don't overdo it.

Rule #525

DO NOT ELECT ME KING!

My platform:

Feed the worst criminals to Lions and Tigers, and Bears.

Put up a sign at the border saying that illegal aliens will be shot, then shoot all you can.

Put the mentally ill in a big mental home, don't let them hang around with us.

Consider murderers, rapists, kidnappers, those who use any deadly weapon in a crime, the mentally ill who kill or attempt to kill anyone, and drunk drivers "the worst criminals".

Abolish parole.

The death penalty for anyone who has been to prison and commits another crime.

Once you've been sentenced to death, they kill you within 48 hours.

That's just a start... but a good one.




Rule #524

Please donate to homeless bums.

They are less annoying when drunk under a bush.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Rule #523

What do you regret not having done?

Make plans to do it.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Rule #522

Love will probably never meet your 'fantasy' about what love should be; but always hold out hope that it just might.

P.S. You are allowed to give up all hope after several years of marriage.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Rule #521

To those who get taken advantage of, and who feel they are too 'wimpy' in life. The following are some replies that you can use to change your image, and dispel that 'push over' quality that you portray:

"What the fuck did you say?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Go fuck yourself"

"You've got to be fucking kidding"

Note: Depending where, when, and to whom you use the above phrases, you may want to be armed.


Friday, January 21, 2005

Rule #520

Save some money, but SPEND enough so that you enjoy yourself!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Rule #519

If you are young, believe me now when I say life will pass by quickly, and spend your youth wisely.

If you are old, and you squandered your youth... it really sucks to get good advice too late doesn't it.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Rule #518

Do something memorable today, not for you, for someone else.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Rule #517

You can't miss every pothole, but try...

Formal version: Vigilance won't 'always' pay off, but it still pays to be vigilant.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Rule #516

Few things are more satisfying than new tires on your motorcycle.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Rule #515

You're asking for trouble if you live in a dry river bed, at the base of an unstable mountain, within tsunami range of the beach, near an active volcano, in the fallout zone of a nuclear power or chemical plant, right next to a railroad track, close enough to a highway for a vehicle to fly off and hit you, next door to an outdoor shooting range, near a fireworks factory... you get the idea; but, many don't.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Rule #514

Don't discount the effectiveness of a chiropractor, yoga, acupuncture, and meditation.

And the special therapeutic effects of SEX.


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Rule #513

A few things you shouldn't underestimate:
The power of moving water, fire, taking a hard fall, the fleeting nature of life, the addictive nature of drugs, a barking dog, Wombats, a woman who HATES you.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Rule #512

Progress? It's ok to be a pimp, a gangster, and for women to have a fat ass?

Rule: It's NOT ok to be a pimp, a gangster... your ass, that's up to you, but I think it's just FAT.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Rule #511

Don't drive too fast in the rain, but don't drive too damn SLOW!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Rule #510

If you want to lose weight, DON'T EAT SO MUCH!

If you've tried that, and can't lose weight, DON'T EAT SO MUCH!

It's that simple..

Friday, January 07, 2005

Rule #509

Don't wait too long to find out how short life is.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Rule #508

There is an ENDLESS supply of rules, suggestions, pearls of wisdom, and lessons learned... the trick is listening to a few of the 'right' ones.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Rule #507

"Another day, another dollar".

That's fine if you work in Ethiopia, if not, get a better job.